I don’t know why it’s hard to write on the keys sometimes. I guess it’s a thing of finality—like, what I’m writing is final, and this must be something. I guess that’s natural to feel that way since people often type things up when they are done. It’s like you don’t want to hit the delete button, or the backspace button. I don’t mind it. I’m not from a generation of using a typewriter. I write on my laptop. I’m not ashamed. This is my typewriter. This is my journal sometimes. I try to write perfectly most times though, and abhorrent ‘backspace’ key sits on my shoulder like a ghost, waiting to be called on.
I haven’t had anything serious to write about since finishing another draft of my novel, but I hope it comes soon. I don’t feel like I can go on to something of longer form until I’m finished COMPLETELY with this novel. When I’m finished with it I’m saying goodbye to it, and that’s all I want to do. It would be hard to keep returning to that world I’ve created—editing, re-reading, etc., while trying to write something completely new. I admit I’ve been starting things, but they’re just studies, or samples, scenes maybe, background, and nothing concrete ready to be continued. I like doing it like that. It’s comfortable for now, yet uncomfortable because I like to know where I’m heading after this thing is done. I still have that collection of short fiction out right now too, and that was hard to have in the back of my mind while I worked on the novel (the one I just spoke about). It’s the bouncing back and forth I don’t like. but this is my first time around with writing something longer, completely, so I’m training myself to know what I am capable of doing, and how I’m capable working, and what makes me comfortable working. I have this burning feeling to get the first thing right.