I’m feeling like I need to get working on something new right now, in this downtime that I read, and allow myself to think, and work on myself, and let my novel of shit marinate in the depths of my hard drive space. I’m thinking about what life is like in America right now and it’s some sort of ugly and scary, like a movie you cringe on the inside when you watch it, like you feel it in your blood vessels. I don’t know. I barely see my family all together at once. Everything is so broken in America, and my life was never perfect by any means, but it’s so evident, and common now that everything is just…broken around here. Everyone is always working, and I get these intermittent appearances sort of, like some sort of leftovers of life, and presence.
I want to begin a new project yet I want to wait until I finish working on the two that I’ve already begun working on. I think I should take my time. My friend always tells me, well once told me, “you’re young, don’t worry about it.” I guess he’s right, and I’m sure I mentioned this before and made a big deal about it simply because it is a big deal about it; like getting a college degree is or was a big deal to me. I’m not sure if I want another one in the future by the way. There has to be something to come from me with respect to the dynamic of family life that I’m witnessing while home for this ten-day trip; the friends I see, what’s going on with them. Something has to be said of it, something.